In the last few years I’ve seen the older generation in my family and my friends’ families die. And although it is not completely unexpected, it brings with it both great sorrow at their loss and incredible gratitude for having known them. As I was thinking about each of them today, I was struck by a running theme in all the losses: to a one, each of them were spoken of in both glowing yet simple terms: they loved their friends and family above all else, they were honest, they were true, they were GOOD PEOPLE.
Much has been written and said about the meaning of a good person, but I keep coming back to this. Two years ago my friend’s grandfather died, and the entire town must have been at his funeral. The church was standing room only, and I couldn’t help the tears as person after person got up to tell how this man had touched their lives with his kindness, generosity, and caring. It was beautiful in its sadness, and a testament to a life well lived. Every person had a different story but the source of it was the same: he loved his neighbor as himself. I walked away from that church quite humbled, and I still ponder this quite frequently.
My great-aunt passed a few days ago, and I keep remembering her gentle nature, her love for family and friends, and her joy in being with those she loved. Up until just a few weeks ago she was still liking and commenting on my pictures of my children on Facebook, and she would often share her love of everyone in her life. And again, I’m hearing the same refrain: she loved others, she loved her neighbor, she was a true good person.
There are moments when the evil that does exist in this world seems overwhelming, and when I allow myself to feel defeated a bit at the nasty things that have been done to me by those who masqueraded as friends and even my partner. And yes, they were the opposite of these great people who have passed on: lying for their own gain despite knowing the hurt it would cause, hurting others on purpose, living lives furtively and in the shadows … and do you know what all that is? That is the absence of love. That’s it, it is nothing more complicated than that.
A life lived without love is dark and bleak, and always results in hurting others, because when someone has no love they are walking in pain and that pain lashes out to make others hurt as they do.
A life lived without love will tell many lies, but love tells the truth.
And a life lived without love will be full of self-destructive habits to try to cover up the emptiness inside their souls and numb the pain.
And I’ve learned that like attracts like, so people like this will always find each other. Then they will start a self-destructive circling of the drains of their lives. They will turn on people they claim to love to ensure they have no one who could possibly show them what is absent from their lives, because they certainly can’t have anyone around them who has love in their hearts, anyone who will display that which they lack … it’s too much of a reminder.
I know this, because I was made fun of by these people, I was called “naive” and “prude” and “too emotional.” And I took that inside me and let those words eat at me. And when I displayed the stress of the words and the actions (lies, things designed to hurt me … in other words the actions of those with no love inside them anymore) I was then told I was deficient for having a reaction to their poor treatment of me. And the reality is that my ability to love was a rebuke of the way they lived their lives, so if they could snuff it out they would feel better … and if they couldn’t they would simply remove me from their lives.
And so I was. And I thank God every day for that. If I hadn’t been, I likely would have never left because of my sense of loyalty and the love in my heart, however little they deserved it. That saved me from compromising my principles and values to live where love did not. I now have a chance to live as I knew I should, when my conscience was screaming at me to get out.
I now have a chance to make all these great people who have died recently proud, and happy to know that their legacy was seen, and is not lost. Their lessons have stuck with those close to them, and love your neighbor is the simple yet profound truth of being a good person on this earth.
momswhokeepsecrets 