It’s been three years to the day since you threw me out of my own family, and launched me into a solitary existence as a single mom. I found myself reliving some of the events of this night, three years ago. I caught myself wondering if you even knew, thought of it, or cared.
Do you care that this is the anniversary of the day you took my family from me? I cried most of the way to work today, remembering you sending my clothes sailing down from the second story landing, narrowly missing my daughter, while you screamed maniacally for me to get out. You ordered me out of my own family.
But then I step back and bring some logic to the emotional overload. I’m sitting here, in my home, with all my children around me. So what did you take from me exactly?
Well, before you kicked me out, I was emotionally abused. I was ignored. I was gaslighted. I was treated like an annoyance, an afterthought. I was lied to. I was made to look like a fool. I was set up over and over and over again to be the bad guy, when in reality I was the only one trying to hold everything together while being run around on.
So, what you took from me was … you.
THANK YOU.
You deserve each other. Both of you, who thought it was funny to lie to me, who knew exactly what you were doing and did not care … I lost NOTHING that day, other than people who would treat me like absolute garbage and skip away laughing.
You did me a favor, by removing that – and only that – from my life.
The show must go on, and so mine does. It is sometimes lonely, and I still struggle with resentment and anger over you both getting away with and getting rewarded for treating me that way. No one should treat a stranger that way, let alone someone they claim to love. And the way you justified it, telling me I was defective … and I believed you! But that is your baggage, your karma, that is who YOU are as a human being.
You both supported that in the other. So you are both guilty.
I lost nothing that day, but gained myself.
momswhokeepsecrets 
I LOVE this post. I almost cheered out loud when I read:
“So, what you took from me was … you. THANK YOU.”
Getting to know a little bit about you and your story through your blog, it makes me happy every single time you realize how much of a gift it was to get those two out of your life. Granted, you deserve so much more respect (past and present) and I hate that he took so much from you along with his own dead soul. I wish it was you who had the house and the primary care of the kids. I wish it was you who had all the memories surrounding you every day. That home would have eventually been cleared of his (and her!) energy and would have become just yours and the kids but then, you have ended up creating a new and better home for yourself and your family. In the end, all you really lost was two people who hurt and betrayed you and gained the chance to start a new life without them.
I wonder if you know how often your posts have inspired me to take on a new perspective. If you don’t – know it now. Your children are so very lucky to have a mom who has taught them resilience and strength in the face of unexpected and unwanted change. You’ve also taught them that it’s okay to have emotions, to be angry and hurt, to express the things you feel but not let it become your world. You’ve taught them to move forward and change for the better. That’s a hell of a good life lesson. You have probably prevented them from ever experiencing what you went through. Their father taught them that people were disposable and the only thing that matters is what YOU want. You countered that so beautifully and with such emotional intelligence and personal growth… it amazes me.
Sorry for the novel comment. Sometimes I read your posts and can’t help myself. 🙂 I hope the tears continue to help you heal and that the residue of the two people who turned your world upside down washes away with them. xx
I don’t know how I missed this, but I did.
And I wanted to thank you. Maybe it was meant to be that I didn’t see this until tonight, because I really needed to hear this tonight.
I’ve been pondering so much today, and I finally decided to write and found this comment. 🙂
(I do have full custody; I’ve always had primary custody but since last summer I have full.)